“Defensiveness is defenselessness?”
What is it about human nature that makes us rise up against “slander” to defend ourselves? Everybody gets talked badly about at some point; everyone probably talks badly about someone else, too, but we rarely get offended until the target is us. Then we feel the need to “set people to rights”, explain, or make excuses. Are we concerned about what the offender thinks or what the people listening now think?
For my part, I’ll admit that I’m more concerned about what other people will think of me. I don’t want people who don’t know me, or who hardly know me, basing their opinion of me on faulty (or incomplete) information from someone else (carrying a grudge - real or misguided). I used to cringe when my family would take jabs at me in front of people I went to college with (friends or professors). The person they heard about was not the person they knew. (Personally, I think it’s harder for family members to accept/believe that a person has changed than it is for their friends.) And it’s worse when people have disagreements and speak from the standpoint of a broken relationship.
Today I encountered some such “misinformation”. And I’ll be honest: I wanted to lash out angrily or at least “cop a ‘tude” and “set the record straight”. My mind raced with evidence I had to prove my point and justify myself. …But I let it go, for two reasons. The first is simple and probably stupid, but the second makes me glad for the first. The first reason is that this other person has requested no contact from me. It may be extreme, and I may be unruly stubborn for sticking to it, but… I’m honoring that request.
The second reason is that I was reminded of Mary (the sister of Lazarus, “whom Jesus had raised from the dead” 
). We did a study at church a little while back about Bethany and the stories and characters associated with it in the Bible. We all know the famous story of Martha’s complaining to Jesus about Mary, but there is another instance of Mary being “attacked” for her actions (that of Judas and the annointing of Jesus by Mary). In both instances, Mary remained silent and Jesus stood up for her. He was her defender. I remember how that stuck me when we read through our study (even though it wasn’t the main focus), and it’s an attitude I think I ought to be striving for: not worrying about what others think of me, so long as God is pleased.
Unfortunately, it’s easier said than done.